The Ultimate Guide To Becoming A Spiritual Ninja

Spiritual Mastery

You move through the city cheek by jowl with your neighbours, playing by the rules, a small part of a larger sum. Cars are driven, money is spent, connections are made. You accept employment, pay taxes and social conventions are obeyed. Each morning you wake up, put on your everyman uniform and make your way through another day.

But you are not everyman. You are a unique, magnetic, and utterly sui generis creation.

If any one of those who pass you by were to truly look into your face they would see the spark in your eyes. If the next person to shake your hand paid attention to the subtle, responsive heat of your grip they would pause to hold your touch a moment longer. If the sweet, calm tone of your voice was caught by ears that actually hear, people would stop and let your words wash over them a while.

But people seldom really look, feel and listen. So you can move unnoticed, your secret is safe…

You are a spiritual ninja.

Stealthy Spirituality

If you were to allow the truth of your enlightened status be known to the world, your place within the humdrum conveyor belt of life would be severely compromised, so you choose to remain a clandestine agent of light. This poses some problems, as cultivating a higher state of consciousness is a pursuit requiring time and effort. Time and effort that draws you away from your daily responsibilities to work, family and society.

Fear not, as I have devised some tips on how you can levitate through your expected tasks whilst still dedicating some energy to your spiritual practice.

5-Step Plan To Becoming A Spiritual Ninja

1. Devotional Deliberation

When formulating a response to an important question at work, turn a bland “umm” into an opportunity to invite the vibration of the universe into your deliberating, by using a sneaky “Om.”

Stealth spirituality in practice:

“I’m reviewing the office temperature to be in line with current health and safety guidelines, do you think we need to adjust the thermostat, Jane?”

“Ommmmmmmm… It feels just fine to me, Tim.”

2. Pregnant Pauses

During the morning rush to get the kids ready for school, rather than closing your eyes with gritted teeth and dreaming up ways to sell the little angels to the traveling circus, impregnate that pause with a moment of Buddhist ‘metta bhavana’.

Stealth spirituality in practice:

May I be well and happy.
May my partner be well and happy.
May the postman be well and happy.
May these little snotty nosed brats be well and happy.
May all things we well, be happy, be at peace… Just like I will be when the school bus arrives.

3. Tune In

Whilst cycling to work, make use of the fresh air to catch up on your prānāyāma practice. The steady pace of your peddling can provide an ideal metronome to keep your breathing in time and the constant threat of imminent death by huge lorries will ensure you keep single-pointed focus.

Stealth spirituality in practice:

Bhramari prānāyāma: Inhale silently through the nose, exhale on a gentle and sustained hum.  This will give you the added sensation that you are on a small scooter, making your journey even faster. The calming effects of this prānāyāma will also chase away any feelings of road rage towards black cabs.

4. Yoga Poser

Don’t have time to make it to a yoga class? Start to think of your whole day as one long yoga āsana practice, turning everyday actions into one long flowing sequence of bends, stretches and breaths. This can be aided by wearing yoga leggings from dawn to dusk. Scientists have now proven that spiritual awakening can actually be transferred via osmosis through yoga leggings costing £50 or more.

Stealth spirituality in practice:

Modified Sun Salutations:

Inhale, reach up for Rude Health sprouted porridge oats.
Exhale, fold to tie laces on this seasons Nike trainers.
Inhale, lift up halfway to check out the time on the kitchen clock.
Exhale, lower to floor to look under the sofa for lost keys.
Inhale, arch up and look under sofa cushions.
Exhale, lift the tail and lower the head to gaze between feet — search for keys across whole floor, hold for 5 breaths.
Inhale, rise up to standing with hands overhead, gaze to keys with triumphant grin.
Exhale, stand tall and ready to face the day.

5. The Power of Now

Just because you are a covert sage, doesn’t mean you can’t help those around you begin their own spiritual development. Encourage your employees to harness the power of living in the moment. Dwelling on the past is like flicking through a history book, no matter how much you think about it you will never change the events that occurred. Worrying about the future is like flicking through a fairy tale book, the contents are all simply the products of imagination.  By living in this present moment, every moment can be lived fully, without expectation and therefore without disappointment.

Stealth spirituality in practice:

Employee: “When do you want this report by?”

You: “Now.”

Carrying The Torch

Now I have shared with you the skills needed to walk amongst the many whilst walking the path of the few.

Remember you are not alone. There are many spiritual warriors silently sweeping through the streets, spreading their message of bliss, clad in floaty Thai fisherman pants and coconut earrings, carrying bags brandishing ethical slogans and armed with yoga mats.

When you pass by another spiritual ninja, do not look them directly in the eye as your combined powers generated through authentic interaction could have dire consequences against the dull drudgery of urbanity. The planet is young and people are not yet ready to bask in your glow.

But keep on your path, spiritual ninja, soon it will be the only way.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top